Makisupa

When I wake up after a good night’s sleep to the sound of birds gently chirping outside my bedroom window, while a soft breeze blows the freshest air in as the sun begins to brighten the sky I am at one of my happiest moments. Then I see my beautiful wife and wonderful daughters, I know that I couldn’t be happier.  But then life comes crashing in and the ever pressing march of tasks, duties, and other responsibilities presses me back to a point where my happiness is stretched to its limits.

Ever been there? Most days, You say?  What happens next?

We let the pressures of our lives continue to push us until we have to release that pressure and often in the way of channeling it into someone else, and more often than not – our family receives the bulk of our grief and in turn it is sent right back to us in a cycle of continues pressure and stress with the people just a short while ago were the very definition of our happiness.

Where did our happiness go? Most of us will accuse others of stealing it from us, but the fact is that we simply discard it. It reminds me of the cop show when the officers get their fresh hot donuts and coffee, and then immediately receive a dispatch and proceed to dump everything in pursuit of their duty. But most of us aren’t cops and our emergencies are rarely that critical, besides who ever said you couldn’t enjoy your donut along the way.

Years ago a student of mine introduced me to the term makisupa,  which, as she told me; ‘Happy for no reason – you know no matter what’s going on choose to be happy and act that way.’  And that’s the definition I carry with me. (now I’m not a complete ignoramus, I do know and realize that this term is also used to refer to drug use and some other negative connotations) Sure the more common usage means to “act stupid” for no reason, but when you think about it, you often “act stupid” when you want to have fun.  It’s all about a frame of mind and choosing it.

All too often we allow outside influences affect us, and we then choose to be unhappy about it. That’s not to say that when your child pulls in the driveway with a brand new dent in the back of your car, that you need to be happy  about the circumstance. Instead what I’m saying is to not allow it to rob you of your happiness or worse choose to say or do things that in the heat of the moment you will may regret. Choose to hold on to your happiness, solve the problem, teach the lesson, maintain your relationship and realize that things are just things and that this moment in time is just a sliver of your existence.

The biggest regrets in my life have never been about the things I’ve lost, but rather the people I’ve lost due to make the wrong relational choices, and the opportunities I’ve lost for being to ticked off to take advantage of them.  Additionally, you are one part of the butterfly effect… you can either continue to build the storm or you can stop flapping your wings and let it subside.

Don’t get me wrong there are times for all of us that things get so bad, and they seem to just pile on and push us down further and further, fight your way out from under it, but all the while hold on to your happiness and know that God has built you to be tough enough for this challenge too… Choose to be Happy for No Reason at all, and when you have trouble remembering it… Act stupid for no reason… it’ll remind you…

Ulterior Motives

What’s so wrong with Ulterior Motives?

We hear it mentioned so often, that he or she has done great work or has been a great help, but they have ulterior motives. Perhaps we may have even been accused of it ourselves.

So do we have ulterior motives and what makes them so bad?

The online edition of the Merriam Webster Dictionary[1] defines ulterior as being “Further” or “more distant”  or “to go beyond what is openly said”. 

Of course motive is the driving force behind our actions and deeds, the “why” to our “what” and “how”.

So plainly an ulterior motive is a reason for our actions that goes beyond or further than what one sees on the surface. I know that as a manager it is sometimes beneficial to lay out the entire plan of a project to the team that is working on it, and at other times it’s more prudent to simply allow each member be concerned exclusively with his or her portion of it. Possibly because the complexity of the plan could affect the details of the needed tasks or sometimes it’s a matter of simplicity. I have ulterior motives behind the tasks I’m assigning my teams.

As a martial arts instructor, I will most often teach a student a particular technique or set of techniques which they will later put together with others to form a drill, a kata, or a combat scenario set. By keeping them focused on those single skill sets, they are able to develop strong and sound techniques, conversely if I show them the end result, a student will often jump to the conclusion of the set and ignore the skills involved to build it. This results in poor mechanics and an increased risk of injury and failure, both of which can be fatal to a burgeoning martial arts training career.

In each of these cases are the people involved interested in seeing the bigger picture? Certainly.  Do the ulterior motives affect the outcome of the task or project? Well, that is where the concept of ulterior motives takes a turn to the gray. Often people who feel that something is being kept from them, will then harbor a sense of betrayal, which can lead to poor results or complete mutiny. So, there should be an open environment where everyone involved shares in the global plan and no one should be ignored.

OK, so right about now you’re probably saying, “Those aren’t ulterior motives. Ulterior motives are when my kids clean the house so that we’ll say yes to taking them to a movie, or my spouse fixes my favorite meal because they want to go away with their friends for the weekend. It’s when my neighbor volunteers at the soup kitchen so she can network with the bank executive that volunteers there, who is there so that he can curry favor with the regional president for doing community service.”  Well you’re right also, those are ulterior motives, and they’re certainly not specifically altruistic, but it doesn’t innately make them wrong or evil does it?  Think about it.

The house got cleaned – would you have preferred it cluttered an messy?

You got your favorite meal – you did need to eat right?

The poor and homeless are being fed – did you want them not to?

Sometimes in out tirades of self-righteous indignation of people not telling us “everything” we overlook the greater good.  You can’t necessarily change the motive for what brought the person to where they are, but if that motive results in a positive action, is it not also possible that the activity and sincere gratitude of the recipients who may have been “duped” by the ulterior motives, might not spark a deeper selfless interest in that service.

Certainly, there are times when the ulterior motive is inherently fraudulent with the only purpose being personal gain at the expense of another and these must certainly be labeled as the evil that they are. However, in this jaded society, I think for the greater good we might be able to give most people the benefit of the doubt and realize that if something good comes of it, what does it matter why they did it, and if they keep doing it, perhaps just maybe God will move them to a place of genuine servitude towards His kingdom.  Understand that we all have motives and some are more obvious than others sometimes even to ourselves.

[1] www.Merriam-Webster.com http://www.merriam-webster.com/info/copyright.htm

---

Abuse

As many of you know, I've been engrossed in a new project that is taking a great deal of my time, but one that is with God's blessing going to take our dojo to new and amazing heights.

While I've prepared several Blog posts in advance this recent edition of Church and Culture, by my Pastor James E White at Mecklenburg Commnity Church, spoke to me at a time when I had the message I wanted to share and I'm fortunate to have it come to me when I needed it. It's addresses an issue that is far to prevalent in our society day - Relational/Domestic Abuse. 

Church & Culture Blog | Church and Culture

Please feel free to leave comments on their page or ours.

If you or someone you know are being abused. The time to act is NOW. Don't wait for it to get better - Don't wait for it to get worse.  There are a number of services available to help women and their families out from under abusive relationships.

http://www.womenthrive.org/

http://www.safehorizon.org/ 800.621.HOPE (4673)

www.unitedfamilyservices.org/domesticviolenceservices.html